It’s Personal: How to Choose Your Attorney

There is no shortage of advice when you are trying to choose an attorney. Everyone knows someone. Everyone has a piece of "advice" to offer. Everyone has a story. But, none of those stories are yours. While a personal referral might be a good place to start, it should only be a start. What worked for your friend, neighbor, or colleague might not work for you. That is not because the lawyer was "good" or "bad," but because this process is deeply personal. It is about how you communicate, how you make decisions under stress, how you weigh risk, and how you will live this seemingly impossible phase of your life.

Meet with several attorneys. You will likely encounter different approaches, different philosophies, and different levels of transparency. Pay attention to how you feel during those meetings. Do you understand what is being explained to you, or are you nodding along just to get through it? Do you feel heard, or just talked at? Did you leave the meeting with a little more clarity or a lot more confusion? The truth is that most attorneys are qualified. What separates the "good" from the "right" fit is rapport and connection. While you are not searching for a best friend, you do need someone who understands your goals and your fears: someone who gets it and who gets you.

After you will have met with several attorneys, take a moment and ask yourself: Who seemed to genuinely understand what matters most to you? Who asked questions that made you think differently or more clearly about your situation? Whose explanations helped you feel informed rather than overwhelmed? Who seemed to grasp not just the legal framework but the emotional landscape you are navigating? Whose suggested strategy was designed for your reality rather than reflect a standard approach? Will you be working with the attorney you just met or will your matter be handled by someone else in the group?

At some point during this process, you will face choices: some straightforward, some impossibly complex, and most of them difficult for one reason or another. You will need to weigh what to pursue and what to let go. You will be asked to consider trade-offs, timing, and long-term consequences. You will have to do that while you digest your situation emotionally to boot. None of that will be easy, but it becomes more manageable when you are working with someone who can guide you not just with knowledge but also with empathy and experience. Look for the person who does not just know the law, but who knows how it works in real life.

Look for an attorney who helps you feel less alone.

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